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Butter Over Too Much Bread

I'm stretched.

This is second year, supposedly the easiest of all the ones in high school, and I feel like I'm about to be sick.

Correction: I am already sick. School not only caused this, but made it worse.

I had two long tests yesterday, one of which was Filipino. I absolutely detest Florante at Laura; and it's not because it's in a language I can barely grasp.

(Embarassing, considering I live in the country said language originated from.)

I won't go into details. All I will say is that the long test went terribly.

Of course, I was already sick at that point. Combined with the horrible heat wave common to the country, I was ready to faint. I had been (and still am) working hard for my club (which I love and am willing to give nearly anything for, so I can't really complain), and studying for that long test. But despite the rest day given for the feast day of our school's namesake the previous day, I remained ill.

But of course, that nightmare of a long test wasn't enough. Not by a long shot.

After said long test, I was called to the biology lecture room with my investigatory paper groupmates to discover that our experiment was chosen to represent the class in an exhibit, meaning that we would have to set something up in the weekend so that people from outside the damn school could critique it.

More work. Hurray.

The worst thing about the past few weeks was actually upon me by that point.

As usual, my class chose me to represent it in a competition: this time, a quiz bee. It's very flattering and a delicious stroke to my ego, but it's also very tiring. Their choosing me also makes me question just how close the class claims to be.

We claim to be united. I've never fully agreed with the statement, but I always kept my mouth shut and was content to let them live in their delusions. Because let's face it: someone has to be the contrabida. When you say one thing out of turn, you're done for.

However, the instance in which I  was chosen for this quiz bee makes me wonder if they actually know who I am really. It makes me wonder if they're aware that I don't want to do it. I may be laughing about it sooner or later, but it's always there, like the smell of a dead rat after its been caught in a trap.

Of course, I wasn't surprised. I'm the default choice, considering that my grades are fairly high in general and I've just about won every contest I've entered this year (the one against the seniors doesn't count). But forcing me into a competition that combined both science and math? Are they kidding me?

Science, I'm willing to accept. I enjoy it and find it fascinating. But mathematics?

The protests when I'm voted into a competition are customary, expected; they are even half-hearted, oftentimes. However, when I heard that I was chosen for this one, they were very real, and I was fighting to get out of it with my all.

Needless to say, I failed.

The only plus I get in this is the fact that the essay contest my classmates were trying to bully me into is actually happening at the same time, thus making me uneligible for candidacy in representing.

Quiz bee is the day after tomorrow. Exhibit for club is on the same day. I have long tests on that same week, and I have severeal outputs I'll need to complete very soon.

Tomorrow, I'm going to study for a quiz bee I know I'm not going to win, considering that the experimental class (that the school administration claims to not be an experimental class) is in their element. There's no chance, no hope left in Hell that we're going to win; I can feel it.

Despite that, I'm going to study. I'm going to join that fucking quiz bee, and I'm going to fucking do my best.

It's always too bad that whenever we don't win, save from a couple of people, my class never appreciates me. My class never realizes that the things I do are always for them; the fact that I'm doing my best is not only for myself, but so that our section isn't looked down upon as a bunch of delinquents, as we truly are.

I'm not perfect. I suck at Filipino and I work at a snail's pace in math. The only subjects I can truly say with utter confidence that I'm good at, without trying, are Communication Arts and Literature.

After this competition, I'm done. I really am.

Why should I work so hard for people who will never give anything back to me but empty smiles and knives embedded onto my back? They'll stay with me for now, whileI still have my winning streak, but there's no chance they'll even talk to me once the year is over and Junior year will give us bigger problems.

I'm tired, and I deserve a fucking break.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 14th, 2011 05:22 am (UTC)
escaping checkmates
My sentiments exactly, about a year ago.

I know everyone has problems. But it ain't refreshing to see other people have tiny problems compared to yours. I'm ready to blank out then. I can't help but cry. Sad to say, even in public.

It was slightly worse than yours. Five affairs to look after for two days. Five contests to win or face the wrath of my school. Sleep was a privilege.

It was so hectic since three of the venues are several hours apart. The last two were in easy reach.
The only thing that kept me sane was the fact that all I have to do was do my best, like you did. And oh yes, chocolate.

Different teammates, different purposes. I wish I had five parts of me I could send off. Of course it was impossible to win all of them myself. Though I only got a gold, a silver, and a bronze. I freaked out on the last two.

Keep it easy. Just compensate for your needs after the battle.
Break a leg.

Feb. 14th, 2011 11:10 am (UTC)
Re: escaping checkmates
I really have no idea what to say; should I sympathize with you even though it's already a year past? Should I give you some late congratulations over your win? Should I thank you for the advice?

You know what? I'll do all three.

It really does suck when people expect a lot from you in general, but five contests in that short a time? Shouldn't there be a rule against that or something? That's seriously bad already.

Congrats on your three medals; at least you can say you've got one of everything. Placing in three out of five contests isn't bad at all, especially if you consider the amount of stress you were put under. It's really something to be admired and appreciated.

Well, I now speak after the more infuriating of my troubles have passed; only the long tests and projects to go (I got second place in the quiz bee today. Also, the fact that I just recieved high grades on my report card is a plus, too). The school year really has passed rather quickly; though I hear the terror will only truly begin in third year.

Thank you for the advice. That is all I can say. Really, thank you.


PS: Did I mention you're the first person to ever comment on my journal?
Feb. 15th, 2011 11:11 am (UTC)
Re: escaping checkmates
Excellent. Knew you had it in you. Just relax. All will be fine.

High school is a nice practice battleground. I kinda miss it, though I really shouldn't. Investigatory projects are a cinch if you did everything yourself (read: individual) and resourcefulness with a clear head.

Glad that I somehow took some of the burden off your chest. Anytime.
Feb. 14th, 2011 02:34 pm (UTC)
I know exactly how you feel. I was forced into contests too, and made to do things I didn't want to.

But things'll get better. They did for me, at least. I feel like all the pressure's gone away now, now that second term's over, and my STUPID, STUPID IP's finished.

Why is that I can never manage to get a decent score for an investigatory project. And I'm getting scared now, because I'm so at ease that I'm slacking off while you're stressing about school and people.

I really want to talk to you. It's been forever since we've talked face to face, and I'm really starting to miss your voice. Even though you've called already a few times. :))

Go online more often, will you? At least we'll be able to chat online. :D

And math, my sentiments exactly. It seems like the left side of my brain is dead and dull. Oh well. I'm right-handed anyway, so I guess that kinda-sorta-not really gives me an excuse.

As for your cold, I'll pray and hope you get better soon! :)
Feb. 14th, 2011 03:46 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm actually feeling a lot better than I did the other day, but thank you for your concern. I'm forcing more work on my groupmates (correction: asserting myself). Might be mean, but I think they understand. Sort of. Maybe.

I guess the stress bug jumps from person to person. I hope the Gabster gets it next :)) She seems too much like a cucumber nowadays, and it's really freaking me out that she's not had much of a crisis since we came to high school.

I would go online, but I've turned out to be very irresponsible with how I manage my Y!M :)) I leave at random without changing my status or telling people that I'm going. I sometimes forget to say goodbye and stuff.

It'd be great to see you face to face soon. How about sometime this summer? Can't do sooner cuz I've got some shit coming up soon.
Feb. 15th, 2011 09:34 am (UTC)
That's great! :D

Actually, I know a person, a friend of mine, that's experiencing the same 'they dump all their problems on you' thing. Specifically one person. One person dumping all the work on you. She's coping pretty well right now, and telling her group members to cooperate more. That 'specific person' is more relenting and less boss, and I'm feeling glad for her.

Hopefully, your situation will have more or less the same outcome. ;)

Yo Gabba Gaby needs to experience the stress of being a high school student. And I think that should be her new nickname. 'The Cucumber.'

Haha, I can understand your worrying about that. But I don't mind, not really, as long as you don't mind if I take a long time answering back or accidentally getting DC and not bothering to sign back in. ^^;

AND YEAH! Sure. For my birthday, we could all have a sleepover in my place. I'LL INVITE EVERYONE, OHOHOHO, because it seems like almost all of my friends in my new school have visited my house, and it's sad that some of my closest ones haven't yet. You know, besides Mons, but she's been coming over to my house since we were in elementary.

Feb. 15th, 2011 09:46 am (UTC)
Well, Gabster is doing pretty great; I'mma get her to check out her ranking in the batch tomorrow. I just found out mine today. I'm #20 out of 251 students XD I bet she's like #14 or something.

It'd be hilarious if she was #19

Meh, I'll go online when I have the time. I've seriously got a load of shit to fix up.

... Ohmegawd. That's the first time you've actually invited me to your mansion. I'm honoured.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )